...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
