in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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