either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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