Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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