Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
