I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
