don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
