I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
