the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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