I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We need a shit load of segways right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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