just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
