Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
