everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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