Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
