420 ftw
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
