Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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