You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
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