He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
