I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize