then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
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We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
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We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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