I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
