That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
