you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
