I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
