Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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