i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
