upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
