If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
