the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
