WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
