please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
