I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
