You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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