We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
