that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
