I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
