i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
