She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
