Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
This baby is an asshole
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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