I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
