is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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