I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
