Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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