never play flip cup with pint glasses
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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