What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do vagina's smell?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
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You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
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I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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