You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
