This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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