I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
