small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
