Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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