So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
