How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
