i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
