How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
