I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
