Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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