I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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