3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she looked like the before picture.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
