Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
