please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
