i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
