Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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