You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
