If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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