i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
