John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
