windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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