No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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