So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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