he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
