and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
