i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
