Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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