Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Randomize
