we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
