Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
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