im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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