I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
fuck your aforementioned shoe
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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