I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just gift wrapped bread.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
