Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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