i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
