that's an acceptable place to lick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
