I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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