I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
