if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
