Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
