I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
