This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
